Insomnia, habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep,
something I personally never thought I would experience. I have to be bright
eyed and bushy tailed for work tomorrow. Dang! You would think this would
motivate me to try some calming exercises.
I have my ear buds in and Bob Dylan is asking me..How does
it feel? Lol Not all that bad really. A complete unknown, like a rolling stone.
Hmm yes I kind of like the idea of that.
But what I really want to do right now is lie beneath the
stars on my blanket under a harvest moon. I want to listen to some sweet song
that says someone is in love with me. And look up at a smiling face.
I have never realized how much we evolve even daily. I learn
new things and gain new perspectives each second. I have been missing music and
writing and crafting lately. I have been too sad lately to do very much for
myself.
If I could wish for anything, it would be balance. Balance
in everything. And patience. Yes those things would be the most important for
me. What about you? Sometimes you read a book or two. Learn a few skills that
other people don’t know, start getting big for your britches or you forget
everyone doesn’t know what you know.
I don’t want to just anticipate the happiness coming, I want
to actually feel it again. I don’t want to feel like an empty shell anymore. I know that I am trying hard not to push
myself. Trying not to increase my anxiety levels. But lordy it’s everywhere.
I must figure this out. I have to accept my feelings even if
they do put such a look on my face that people say…aww you look gloomy today. I
was NEVER gloomy before. I always appeared happy and found a way to be silly. Now
the very thought of being that way makes me want hurl..violently.
I know this sounds ridiculous but I just need to find myself
again. And I’m making progress, no new tattoo or Mohawk hairdo –yet!
No comments:
Post a Comment