Bad Day

Now as for today...well it sucked. I think it's important to say when things suck and own it. I am feeling paralyzed and just low in every way. I don't want to do anything, talk to anybody. Nothing. I'm not sure what can be said other than that.

I wish I could find happiness with myself when I feel like this. But I suppose its normal to feel abnormal too. There is so much work I need to do and it upsets me when I can't seem to move. If I could have your brain, I would take it gladly. Its days like this when I just hate mine. I wish I could smash it to bits. It hurts to breathe. 

But I don't want to drink. Of course I don't really want to do anything. I just want to feel like I want to do something...besides laying in the bed with the covers over my head. So many people have attempted to talk to me and I just can't bear to hold a conversation. 

I know that being negative, glass half empty isn't the way to be thinking but sometimes I am so in that emptiness I cannot fathom ever getting out. I want to be something good for this world for the future, I'm not sure how that is supposed to happen. 

I think my biggest problem today is self absorption. I am clearly thinking of just how horrible I feel and little else. But not even a song can snap my head around. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I know I need to change my attitude or its going to drag me under real quick. I guess knowing that I am doing it is at least one positive in this whole messed-upedness. And I know that isn't a word but I think it should be.

Voltaire a French writer from the 1700's said, "life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats." Which I think means, no matter how little you have (and that includes sanity), you should still be grateful for what you do have and use it wisely. 

So today am I grateful for something? Yes, I am grateful that I'm alive even if I do feel like A**!